🌿 Rethinking Safety, Sexuality, and Freedom

In recent years, workshops and retreats focused on intimacy and sexuality have multiplied within queer and alternative communities. Their intentions are often noble: to help us reconnect with our bodies, heal our wounds, and rediscover authenticity in our relationships.

Yet, discomfort persists. Why can these spaces, meant to offer healing and freedom, also become risky? I do not question the importance of sex or gender — they are at the heart of our lives, histories, and identities. But these dimensions are also tied to trauma and abuse, and therefore require deep awareness and careful attention.

⚠️ When Safe Spaces Become Risky

My main concern is that spaces centered on sexuality and intimacy can attract people seeking not self-discovery, but access to others in moments of greatest vulnerability.

The language of openness, liberation, or healing can, unfortunately, conceal predatory behaviors. These workshops can be deeply liberating when they help us move beyond shame and reconnect with our desires. But freedom without awareness or responsibility can quickly become dangerous:

“True safety is not the absence of risk, but the presence of responsibility.”
« La véritable sécurité n’est pas l’absence de risque, mais la présence de responsabilité. »

💭 Fantasy, Reality, and Possible Slippages

Our sexual imaginations are shaped by pornography, image culture, desires, and the awakening of our senses. They influence not only what we desire, but also how we believe desire “should” be expressed.

Fantasies — of domination, submission, kink, or symbolic violence — are not inherently wrong. In the realm of imagination, they provide a safe space for inner exploration. Even the darkest fantasies can contribute to self-knowledge, creativity, and sexual freedom, as long as they are recognized as symbolic and distinct from lived experience.

“Sexual fantasies are a normal and healthy aspect of human sexuality… they can be a source of pleasure, exploration, and self‑discovery.”
« Les fantasmes sexuels sont un aspect normal et sain de la sexualité humaine… ils peuvent être une source de plaisir, d’exploration et de connaissance de soi. »
— The Psychology of Sexual Fantasy, 2023

The danger arises when fantasies are experienced in secret, with shame, or manipulatively, or when situations and people are used to enact these desires.

“Fantasy can be a healthy playground to explore our impulses — provided it is recognized as belonging to a different world than lived experience.”
« Le fantasme peut être une aire de jeu saine pour explorer nos pulsions — à condition de reconnaître qu’il appartient à un autre monde que celui du vécu. »

🧭 Consent, Boundaries, and Microaggressions

Even in spaces that aim to be safe and conscious, microaggressions can occur: a hand placed without consent, an indiscreet question, or a situation with limited escape. These moments undermine trust and the freedom to explore one’s body and desires. It is crucial to remember that seeking your YES should never infringe on someone else’s NO.

As Audre Lorde reminds us:

“Caring for myself is not self‑indulgence, it is self‑preservation.”
« Prendre soin de moi n’est pas de l’indulgence, c’est de la préservation de soi. »

Mary Oliver invites us:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
« Dis‑moi, que comptes‑tu faire de ta vie unique, sauvage et précieuse ? »

Finally, Emily Dickinson reminds us:

“Respect that which is yours and that which is not.”
« Respecte ce qui t’appartient et ce qui ne t’appartient pas. »

These words illustrate that creating a truly safe space depends on respecting everyone’s boundaries, being conscious of our intentions, and allowing everyone the ability to say NO and withdraw if necessary. The freedom to express desires and fantasies coexists with respect and responsibility toward others — and it is this harmony that allows a true space of trust and growth to emerge.

Research on microaggressions in LGBTQ+ communities shows that these subtle violations, even minor, have significant cumulative effects on mental health and personal legitimacy. (Sue et al., 2007; Williams et al., 2022)

A safe space therefore cannot be rigid; it must remain adaptive, able to recognize individual needs and protect participants, while allowing free expression of desires and fantasies. Non-mixed sessions and flexible frameworks are essential to ensure safety, comfort, and respect for everyone.

💚 Towards a Culture of Care

Creating a genuinely safe space requires more than good intentions. It demands emotional maturity: the ability to hold freedom and restraint together, respect boundaries, while remaining connected to desire.

Pillars of an authentically safe space:
❌ Not the absence of sexuality or fantasy
✅ Presence of awareness and vigilance
✅ Mutual respect and explicit consent
✅ Shared responsibility and flexibility
✅ Possibility of non-mixed spaces for certain practices

Recognizing the complexity of desires and the fragility of boundaries allows us to provide a framework for ethical and inclusive exploration.

🌈 Freedom and Awareness at Fantasy Farm

At Fantasy Farm, we place freedom and awareness at the heart of our approach. No retreat or program is centered on sexuality — this is not a taboo; on the contrary, it acknowledges that sexuality is an integral part of the human experience and self-exploration. It is approached within a framework of respect, maturity, and consent.

Our retreats and workshops are designed to help each participant connect with their body, desires, and awareness in a safe, flexible, and attentive environment. The freedom to express desires and fantasies coexists with respect for everyone’s boundaries, attentive listening, and shared responsibility. Non-mixed sessions and adaptive spaces foster an environment where everyone can explore and connect without fear, in a dynamic of trust and personal growth.

Fantasy Farm is thus a place where awareness guides freedom, where safety is not a constraint but a collective choice, and where each individual can feel fully welcomed, supported, and respected in their uniqueness.

📚 Main References

• Sue, D. W., Capodilupo, C. M., Torino, G. C., Bucceri, J. M., Holder, A. M. B., Nadal, K. L., & Esquilin, M. (2007). Racial microaggressions in everyday life: Implications for clinical practice. American Psychologist, 62(4), 271–286.

• Williams, T., et al. (2022). Sexual and Gender Identity‑Based Microaggressions and Mental Health. PubMed. (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)

• Joyal, C. C., Cossette, A., & Lapierre, V. (2015). What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy? The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 12(2), 328‑340. (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)

• The Psychology of Sexual Fantasy. (2023). Scientific Times. (scientifictimes.org)

• Haines, K. M., Boyer, C. R., Giovanazzi, C., & Galupo, M. P. (2018). “Not a Real Family”: Microaggressions Directed toward LGBTQ Families. Journal of Homosexuality, 65(9), 1138‑1151.

  This article was co-written with the assistance of ChatGPT to structure and refine my ideas, references and thoughts.